To See the World 026

To See the World

would you throw everything away
only to gain the very ability
to see the world through your eyes
where everything that has happen
is the motive and desire of humans

that is to see our every thoughts and secrets
to be able to see the schemes of our heart
the every moves they wish to make
the intricate plots that they came up with
their darkest secret that wish to hide

yes, the very eyes to see all these
would you gave your soul away
to see the rotten side of us
the part where we dont wish other to see
the part that will disgust you utterly

to see the world in that manner
is to see the truth in everything
the true nature of us human
the very sole desire stem from our selfishness
only on the outside we make it look pretty

only then you would comprehend
the true meaning we are being alive
to live a lying facade behind a mask
to act like a civil and responsible society
all these is a rotten lie to fool us

behind all these pretends, not a single thread
was for the benefit and the grace for others
it was all for our own personal gains
whether it was wealth, power, famed, security
it is for our own sake, to benefit ourselves

i watched with disgust at such obnoxious sight
have i, myself already stained in the same blood
the blood of this pathetic selfish world
drown in the exctasy of such overwhelming force
the thirst of personal gains no matter the cost

at last, i too have been swept away
enveloped by the many dark hands
covering my failing iris with illusions
feeded with the desire to gain everything
putting on that hollow smile of mine

watching ourselves outwitting each other
behind the smiling lips and plastic expression
our daggers was concealed and ready to strike
when the oppurtunity present itself onto us
to see the world with such eyes like these
would you trade everything away
to know the absolute truth behind it
would you?

The path and the heart. 025

The path and the heart.

there are times when i truly lost
the path laid in front of me
disappear into the very surrounding
where am i walking towards to?
i ask myself this sort of questions
or rather what should i be doing?

desperately searching for an answer
asking for every sort of guidance
seeking for every possible clue
diligently thinking of a way out
blindly heading towards the unknown
but the fear still reside in me

what if i fall into an abyss
what if i charted into an unknown
forever trap within and lost
unable to find the way out
as i step deeper into the maze
would everything be lost then

only at this time that i fuly appreciate
what really important to me
what needed to be done and protected
when one loses sight, one can finally see
the thing they truly needed to see
when you lose sight of your path
listen to the destination in your heart
whatever path it may present
it will take you to your destination.

That Moment 024

That Moment

In that moment
i felt like nothing
utterly nothing
not a single bit of significant
everything i have done
is meaningless

i felt like a fool
trying to chase the wind
to be return with nothing
but devastation
and humiliation
how my heart bleeds

a shattered self esteem
and lost pride
i lost completely.
utterly defeated.
i am a lost soul.
consumed by sorrow

silent tears flowing
depressing thoughts
shaking hands
heavy breathing
cloudy sight
emotions reach zenith

that very moment
the melancholic scream
echoed continously
furiously vibrating the heart
the bleeding heart
but i will lived on

always have
and in years to come
i wont fall because of this
i am not that weak
no matter the sorrow
i will lived through it

only just.....
in that moment
i know the truth
of where i stand
what i should be doing
in the aftermath
i have to lived.
yes, live.

Concern & Pity 023

Concern & Pity

Concern
to worry
to be important
relation to care

Pity
feeling of sorrow
of someone suffering
but not of concern

do you feel pity
when you see suffering
of others that reflect
your emotions

i do not anymore
i feel no pity
because i hate it
nor i want to be pitied

i rather be concerned
than be pitied
take away your pity
i need none of it

am in such worst state
that i needed pity
no, even if i were to die
dont save me out of pity

i rather be concerned
i would feel like heaven
even if i am beyond help
even if i am drawing last breath

so take your pity away
and give me concern
dont do it because of pity
do it out of concern
thank you.

The Need 022

The Need

when do you need?
for something u want?
for something u need?
yes that right
when you need something

be aware of reality
when people need you
for something
it means you are useful
it means you can offer
but thats it

because once the need
is good and done
you are not needed
in a more concise manner
you are expendable
of no used at all

you are by no means
be thrown away
a used by product
a cruel and sad fact
but thats reality
selfish desires

so be a person
that be needed
for everything
only then you realise
you hold the card
to lay your rules
to your every desire

let me sum it up
when you needed for certain things
you are expendable.
but when you needed for everything
you are worth everything.
the need, that us needs.

Goodnight to You 021

Goodnight to You

Seeing you there
i felt relieved
somehow awkward
unapproachable
but its okay

i could just stare
at the bright screen
the beaming name
with snails, rainbow
the star and expression

sitting there dumbfounded
with nothing to do
staring and staring
hoping for a reply
but it did not

like a spectator
a hidden one
being ignored
oblivious to me
without a concern

contemplating anxiety
a simple touch
thats all it need
but my jittery fingers
stop it all

at last, the sign stop
no more green lights
it flashes to red
no more there
thus i start
simple words replaced
my goodnight to you.

Creamy Effect 020

Creamy Effect

Exhilrating
just watching it
kids love it
so does adults

slow slip of tongue
the sweetness
the coldness
melting your heart

the memory
so sweet
so shortlived
a moment of bliss

bring you to cloud nine
mesmerizing effect
glue to it
till every bit is finish

how you wish more
but too much
you pack in the pounds
the creamy effect

finished mine
the cold sensation
where you could find
melting in your mouth

chocolate exctasy
vanila uniqueness
crunchy cookies bits
feels like heaven
such lovely feeling
on a cold night
ice cream the best.

The Road 019

The Road

Baby, Baby
i am off
i need to go
Road 444
waiting for me

Road 444
here i come
sorry the wait
something came up
in the cafe

had my lunch
saw someone interesting
gotten into sweet chats
time flies between
but got to go now

mustang roar to life
throttle at full blast
sign says 60
the beast slow down
scenery was great

the radio is on retro
such nostalgic sweetness
honey to my ears
sun on the set
such straight road

gas at half tank
wonder i can make it
or find a station
no sign no life at sides
forward i go

road 444
such straight road
through everything
where it end
i really don't know

it never says
only speed limits
dont really matter
forward i go
road 444,
where everything ends.

Comfort 018

Comfort

when i am weary
you provide me rest
when i am sick
you gave me strength

when i am lonely
you accompany me
when i am sad
you let me think through

how can i do without you
always with me
whenever i need you
never betray, never say no

i need comfort
you provide
i need love to blossom
you make it possible

dreams would not be possible
without you in action
together we go through life
from young to old

you are important to me
more than half my life
i spent with you
the warm you gave me

the future you may bring
where i share you with her
providing us daily needs
how i appreciate you
to no ends, no words can describe
thank you, the serene comfort
the sweetest warm feeling
my very own bed.

Never Love 017

Never Love

Never love
a love that hurts
why bother
why the sacrifice

and if you do
would it satisfy you
knowing you be hurt
such stupidity

you deserve better
be the receiver
rather the giver
or better dont love

being alone
is sometimes better
your solitude gains
rather pain for another

why bother to love
when you can invoke love
let them love you
before you repay them

you be better
you wont be hurt
for love comes pain
a bittersweet experience

thus never love
a love that hurts
never love
never hurts

to love
to feel hurt
such irony
would you still do it
i knew i would
i love, i feel hurt.

Questions? 016

Questions?

Questions?
Questions?
when i was young
i ask many
why is this that way?
why not this way?

it was our way
to know
to seek answer
of our unfamiliarity
of our ignorance
of our inexperience

my grandpa recalled
i was a boy
who wouldnt stop
asking questions of why?
questions within questions
questions to no end

i would ask why
and within the answer
i question why again
follow by another why
questions are answered
with more questioned

i was seeking absolute truth
the end of the why
until i was satisfied
or rather it couldnt be answered
the birth of science
the desire for the truth

or it is inbuilt
scripted into our blueprint
to search for the absolute truth
the beginning of all questions
but today reality has shut us off
they don't want questions
they don't want answers
they want results

do you or do you not
want answers?
dont you want the truth
even if it hurts
even if it destroy everything
even if involve others
i really do
the absolute truth
do you not?

Reminiscene of You 015

Reminiscene of You

To forget
To remember
the opposite of each other
two ends of a line
a pity they dont meet

to remember
you can't forget
to forget
you can't remember
they go hand in hand

i remember
i was to forget you
yet why i did remember
didnt i forget
a mystery indeed

i remember now
it was your name
that very name
breaming into my mind
reconstructing lost memory

that aroma, that scent
i could still smell it
enveloping my mind
that serene moon
it all came back

in that little moment
a million emotions ignite
through my mind
the bittersweet memories
a smile creep up

such nostalgic
not very far away
only recent
but enough
to produce it
that smile that invoke
from the reminiscene of you.

Stand 014

Stand

Stand with me
see the scenery
that i am gazing
what did you see

the mirror
the reflection
the image
the me

there standing
always watching
doing nothing
comptemplating everything

patiently waiting
for the coming
still standing
silent anxiety

raining hard
feeling cold
gale approaching
loneliness soaking up

still standing
felt like a dream
everything clear
i am awake

i saw myself
standing there
waiting silently
it become clear

i was waiting
i found him
at long last
it was me

i walk away
to my next stop
i look back
there wasnt me anymore
i wonder how long
did i stand there?
why? how? what?
i just knew that
i stand.

Carpe Diem 013

Carpe Diem

Live for the present
not for the past
not for the future
for your present is future

under the sorching sun
nothing is stable
security is merely illusion
environment is inconsistent

you never knew tomorrow
always eluding us
what we did today
brigthen only tomorrow probability

so grasp the present
make good used of it
for you might not have tomorrow
present is your tomorrow

talk like you did
ate like there hunger
appreciate everything
love there is no other

live the very present
like there is no tomorrow
seize that moment
the precious present
never let go
carpe diem.

Failing Iris 012

Failing Iris

My failing iris
i am losing sight
the longer i am
when will it be
light no longer shine

My failing iris
everything become blurry
i saw the world
through an artificial len
shielding the real me

My failing iris
it betrayed me
i can't hide my feelings
in me, the brown iris
everything is known

My failing iris
whether i am sad
whether i am happy
whether i am hollow
lies the real me

My failing iris
how i avoid contact
afraid to be seen through
thoughts collected there
emotions ignite there

My failing iris
small and distant
but provocative
a little stare
and fire combust

My failing iris
it aint charming
wish it was otherwise
how i hate it
overflowing through me

My failing iris
the searching sight
for the very one
to fill the void
that was inside

My failing iris
when its gone
replaced it
become in one
the real me
the real you
become my failing iris

Growing Up 011

Growing Up

i thought i have grown
taller than ever before
hitting my maximum mass
i believe i am grown up
and so i would have thought

but it aint so at all
i wasnt growing up
i was just getting older
thats the truth
what may me realised?

reasons could be many
each of it will be different
when you hit that gate
the gate that doesnt let u pass
you will know whether you grown

if you found the key
the very wisdom
to open the gate
and walk throught the gate
you have grown

or else you got to realised
where is that key
without it you never pass
i found mine on that spot
where time has stopped

the place time has lost
where winter wind blows
seeping pain through your bones
in the centre of it, lies a thing
a leafless tree with one flower

watching the withering flower
a pink flower that was full boom
but now peeling petal by petals
one at a time..
when the last is gone
it repeated again. neverending

the key was there
the very flower
the gate opened
i step through
a new world

i felt a little grown up
but i still have lots to learn
but i will go at it
even if i am afraid
even i might fall
but thats what growing is
exploring the nature
gaining experience
then you grow up

I Wrote 010

I Wrote

when thoughts became many
i couldnt manage them all
i wrote them down
if i dont i become confused
mistakes would then be made

by writing i could do many
imprint the thoughts i have
because my mind are clouds
so mysterious and dense
formless and ever-changing

thoughts that are imprinted
are converted wholely
into words that matter
that conveyed many feelings
that invoke my emotions
whenever i revisit them

with every word i wrote
the feelings carry away from me
be a good or bad
i got rid of them
slowly and one at a time

i felt better when i wrote
anything that was holed up
inside me, i pour into it
carrying it away from me
from emotions to words

i dont have someone to hug me
telling me its okay
telling me i will be not alone
telling me, we go through this together
all i have is myself
i wrote because thats all i have
and wrote i did
i have never felt better
me and my words, i wrote

10000 years 009

10000 years

If i live 10000 years
what would i be
would the pain i felt
from failing in love
be gone like the wind

would i still be reminded
by the feelings of love
of being in love
with that very person
i used to love dearly

or i would have forgotten
the very moment that matters
that invoke my every heart
that make me go insane
that make me hurt so much

to us human beings
we live an average of 70
by living to 10000 years
would i have gain the wisdom
to search for the answer i seek
by having 143 times the time
of a human would have

no, you can search for eternity
and that answer will not be found
what makes us love?
what makes us hurt?
what makes us love a love,
that hurt so bad?
not in a 10000 years

i would be taking my time
i would procastinate
because i am afraid to know
the truth of that question
what if i would forget
what if i didnt
would it still matters

after 10000 years
would i still care for her
would i still love that person
where her body disappear already
long gone from this world
leaving only memories
making me reminiscence of the past
bringing nostalgic sweetness
to my heart and soul

In 10000 years, would i?
have love another already
besotted by the new charm
falling into her arms
mesmerized by her
and forgot the love
i used to have for that person

human heart has no logic
it can break promises
that has been agreed
it can change the decisions
that has been made
it doesnt make sense
it can love someone so much
and hate them the next moment
human heart is inconsistent

so even if we have 10000 years
it wouldnt make any different
it wouldnt change anything
whether we forget the love
whether we found new love
whether we still remember
whether we still love

the heart , the human of us
whether it still care
love,forgets, remember
or no longer care
the heart is still the heart
it stay the same nature
it never changed
not in a lifetime
not in 10000 years.

Confront 008

Confront

Head towards that destination
the place where time stop
the place where nothing grows
the place that has no light
the place that has no warm
the place where your shadow stays

would you head towards it
would run straight towards it
or hesistatingly stand there
or walk slowly doubting
every move that you made
is the wrong move?

confront them
with all your strength
even if u have little
even if u have nothing
even with just your guts
that is fill with all your soul
and the deepest of your heart

run towards it
take it all in
only then you feel better
only then that place will disappear
only then your solace will come
only then you are free

even if it hurts so bad
even if it pain your heart
even if you feel you lost everything
even if you feel you wanna die
confront it with all you have
even if it cost all you have

dont stay in the past
it has no future
it has no present
it has nothing
only memories
it never grows

make new ones
be it bad
be it good
make them
anything but looking back
there is nothing to look

confront the things
that you can't leave behind
that has stopped time
that bleeds your heart
that makes you shut them off
confront them
for yourself
life should be like this
yes confront them.
the answer will be there.

Jealousy 007

Jealousy

Ever felt jealous,
i am sure you would,
its a sin to,
it makes you not you
but that what human are

we are built on emotions
we have the bad and the good
and i am not that special either
I too felt jealous
its a long time i did so

but when i did
it cost me a lot
i lost someone
very precious to me
i wish it didnt

i didnt just lost that
i lost myself too
i felt hopelessness
a double edge sword
your decisions are flawed

Not that i am regretting
but i wanna you to know
when you get jealous
dont make decisions
my advice onto you

Jealousy is poison
it's very essence
is to destroy us
overcome it completely
you be better eventually.

what i have done
i have done
there is no turning back
no regret to feel
i did it because i was jealous
now i paying the price
i only wish to be forgiven
my only consolidation
thats all it has to it.

The Morning Came 006

The Morning Came

Morning came,
i saw the ray of light
that seep through my eyelid
laying awake,
i open my eyes
i gazed at the ceiling

what do i need to do?
everyday i ask myself
this sort of questions
sometimes wishing for..
the ceiling to be written
with what needed to be done
what my destiny are....

i walk to the bathroom
as always, looking slumber
staring myself at the mirror
it is I, Me and Myself.
those sort of mundane routine
but it work that way

splashing cold waters
refreshing my face
trying to get hyped
for the start of the day
i had a purpose
not just keep living
but because i want to

this morning, this moment
i set out with a goal
a mission in progress
i want to be better
a better man
a better person
a person with value
a man is needed
and that morning came.

The Lost Feeling 005

The Lost Feeling

The Aftermath,
is like a rotting flesh
itch so deep into my wound
creeping pain now and then

nothing did i do
could cure it yet
the dream,
the images,
the flashes,
the words,
the voices,
the whole moment,
projected into my iris
like a never ending movie
repeating and repeating

being put into a spasm of pain
the torture so enduring
the tears that want to flow
but couldnt at all
the silent scream
searching for solace
the hands wanting.....
for anything,
be it a vine with thorns
be it a bed of creamy soft petals
anything for heaven sake.

that emptiness
that loneliness
that sadness
all overwhelm me
and i stood again
comtemplating for reasons
had i done it better?
a better choice
a better reasoning
quickly surpressing the regret

No, its too late...
the fact wont changed
acceptance is the logic
what happen, happened
no deny, no look back
a road with no return
like i have lost something
very precious to me
nothing can return it
unless it want to
that lost feeling
would you comprehend?

The Changing Body 004

The Changing Body

I felt changed for the first time
In My Entire Life
Not that i am growing
Not that i am hitting purberty
Not that i am handicapped

But My body is changing
things i used to do
i can't do them anymore
i can't slumber like i used to
i lose my wholesome appetite

this are the very essence
of what makes me
i dont understand one bit
probably i still feeling sad
by the lost of a precious one

but this happen so naturally
because i knew
how the way my body react
is my new personality emerging
at a rapid rate to replace the old one?

i am looking forward
i want to change myself
for the very better
for the love of myself
for the very end

thank you for the change
thank you for the effort
thank you for making me better
thank you to my changing body
my appreciation has no end......

My goodbye To You 003

My goodbye To You

Goodbye are never cheerful
thats why its goodbye
goodbye are painful
it always was
and forever will be

i had the displeasure today
to tell you one last goodbye
it was so hard for me to say
i could feel the pain in every bone of mine
how my heart ache to no ends
my heart was bleeding

all the memory i have gain
from being with you
the smile that invoke my heart
that personality that charmed me
thank you for all of it
i really appreciate it

i wanted to tell you
i am really sorry
from the bottom of my heart
that it ended so abruptly
so painfully
but i had no choice

you meant a lot to me
because i love you
i wish you could forgave me
for doing so
i hope you well

the fond memories of you
i hold tight on to it
i will treasure it dearly
for the old me
that is in my deepest core

Oct 5th 2006
marks my last goodbye
ever to you
i have no regret in doing so
for i love you
my goodbye , consider it my wrong
consider it my insanity
consider i have known you
it was the hardest decision in my life
to say that word to you
that is goodbye
my last goodbye ever to you alone.

I Want, For Once 002

I Want, For Once

Today, for once
i felt more alive
then i was ever before
that my conciousness
crave for something
i want to do things
for myself

i never harboured such thoughts
but i want to......from now on
because i realised
i didnt love myself
enough to seek for it
not to stand there any longer

i will now chase for it
with all my heart
with all my strength
with all my soul
because i want to
because i love myself
for once in my life

i will not sit there
i will not gazed blindly
i will not cry for nothing
i will not slouth
i will not be what i used to

i have a reason to my want
because i want to
as simple as that
my true answer to the question
because i realised i need to
love myself for once

only then i will seek
the answer that i wanna know
love myself and everything will come
i believe so
probably my purpose
my every existense
will know its meaning
till then i will want to do
because i simply want to, for once.

I Will Never Cry Again 001

I Will Never Cry Again

i cried many when i was borned
i cried many when i was small
because that's the best i could muster
i cried because that the only way
i could express true heart desire
even though it may be trivial
but my message got across
the pure and naive cries
those sweet memories

but i realised one too often
being a kid has an ending
i could no longer cried
like i always used to
because i am to become an man
an adult that doesnt cry
an adult that hide his emotions
that it wont muster a sound
no matter how painful it is
only silent tears are welcome

men are not suppose to cry
because we are view not to
we are not suppose to
because we are men
crying is for the women
but it is all wrong
we are human all along
crying is good
but it wont do any better
because as soon as crying stop
the problems still remains

now that i am a man
i cried less and less
but i still cry
because it feels better
even if the problem remains
i couldnt find a better alternative
when i am at saddest point
how long shall i continue to cry
i decided now

i shall shed no more tears
i shall make no more sound
i shall make myself feel better
by not crying
by not making a sound
because i am tired of it
it hurts when i cry
those feeling i dont want them
never again shall i cry again
for another, for myself

i shall be a man that shed no tears
i shall be a man that make no sound
no matter how the sadness
present itself onto me
never again, i had enough
i am man that will never cry again